August 3, 2020

OUR BODIES WILL ALWAYS TELL US WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG

Three summers ago I started to describe myself as feeling like I had two heavy cement blocks on my feet. I couldn’t physically see them but I could feel that they were there. My mood had dropped and It was getting harder to pretend that everything was perfect- even though I still tried to make my life in Toronto and my relationship seem perfect. I tried to ignore everything and go on as though nothing was wrong seeing now that if I had taken action when I noticed huge differences in myself I could have manifested a much gentler life lesson.

The signs started emotionally and mentally and because I ignored them they moved physically to really get my attention.

I then started to scratch the backs of my legs in my sleep unconsciously and uncontrollably. My body, mind and spirit were trying to get my attention but still I ignored. I would complain about the blocks and wouldn’t do anything to fix them. I worked at a restaurant four days a week and filled the rest of my time ignoring my gut and everything that I ‘said’ I wanted to do. (launching my jewelry, styling, reiki clients and taking my ytt to name just a few) I was stagnant and afraid to live and was avoiding living my life out of fear. As my health started to decline I would always turn to Stacey for help and advice and she would offer me life coaching sessions and free energy healing treatments where I would feel supported and heard but would never take the alighted action steps afterwards to create a change. I could see something was so wrong and couldn’t move or help myself- I was waiting for someone to save me from myself. In November of 2017 my rashes started to slowly spread to my face until on January of 2018 they had taken over my whole face and my whole body. I would scratch uncontrollably in my sleep, my face was oozing puss and I wanted to jump out of my skin and my life. Now I wasn’t only in emotional and mental pain but physical pain as well so I turned to Stacey.

She began to offer me countless sessions for free, offering advice, emotional support, always taking my calls, channeling, past life regression, reiki. Literally giving me all she could to help me. In February of 2018 when I spent a month in Nicaragua I felt a big shift, my skin was healing, my mood was higher and I could actually feel my heart and spirit reentering my body. I was taking the advice given and I was making shifts and I could FEEL a different. When I got back to Toronto within a week my rashes started to come back. I felt a heaviness in my home (looking around at this ‘perfect’ house I could FEEL that it wasn’t right and that something was off. I went right back to work at the restaurant. I went right back into the life that was killing me. In June of 2018 I travelled to Saskatoon to be there for the birth of Stacey’s right child: my godson Lux and the trip still revolves around helping me to heal, offering me sessions, readings, advice and channelings. The trip meant to be around her birth was about my health. I knew on that trip that I wasn’t meant to go back to Toronto and I wasn’t meant to be with my boyfriend. I was so miserable in my relationship but never talked to anyone ever about what was actually going on. I pretended everything was perfect so I wouldn’t have to look at how toxic it was. Being on the outside looking in I could see more clearly what was going on and how much that life was killing me but I returned anyway. I ignored my know and invited a new heavy lesson and rock bottom into my life because I wouldn’t allow myself to FULLY see

As I went back to Toronto the action steps were clear: develop your gifts that you feel and know you have, offer reiki, styling and my crystal jewelry: showcase your gifts and talent and be yourself! Make a change and change your live. I would take one baby step and go ‘ok I did it’ and stop. I got a reiki table and took and a few clients them would stop. I would share a post on my jewelry and then stop. I went to my ytt in Costa Rica then was to scared to teach. My fire and confident and drive wasn’t there and I wasn’t fighting for my life.

The next few months got really bad- really bad. My ailment continued to progress to my body shutting down. I was skin and bones, my organs were shitting down, I had developed candidia and an autoimmune disease, my face had sunken in, I was numb, depressed, couldn’t sleep at night, couldn’t get out of bed in the day (sometimes until 2 in the afternoon) I had to smoke myself into a coma at night to get any sleep and then would still scratch myself and my face while I was sleeping. My spirit and soul had left and my physical body was decaying and I was headed for a body bag.

In February of 2019 Stacey invited me to go stay with her for 2 months to selflessly help to revive her sister. She opened up her home to me as I packed two bags and left my home in Toronto. Stacey and Johny met me at the airport and almost cried when they saw my state. “We had to pinch ourselves” they said. There was not much of me left. I was a wounded and scared woman and for the next two month they worked with me everyday offering themselves (with a 9 month old baby) as we dug into old trauma, surfaced a lot of truth and worked at developing my own intuition and gifts. I began to open my eyes to how I had allowed myself to get this low and how I was constantly walking around on eggshells in my Home and my life in Toronto. I was finally taking off the glasses and diving deep and seeing my life and relationship for the first time with clear eyes. When I decided to leave my life in Toronto, leave my relation for my health so much drama and blame was put on Stacey: her business, cops were called, I was treated as a missing person, family members drove to Saskatoon to find me. Let the drama commence.

Written August 3, 2020